Abby, my older sister, jumps up from her chair in the waiting room and draws my attention with her as she rushes across the space. I follow her with my gaze and watch her throw herself in the arms of Gabe Daniels who has walked in. It feels wrong to see him here, somehow what I think I know not connecting with the actuality of the moment, as if the power has been disconnected and the computer's waiting to reboot. What I'm picturing are video images of a fight between him and Seth playing over again in my mind. The fight all over IG and Twitter along with other crappy, ugly things said about it - about Gabe. Hashtag: CrucifyDaniels. I don't know the history between him and Seth, but it seems strange that he'd be here if there's bad blood between them.
There's obviously more to this moʻolelo than I know.
When I got the text from Williams this morning about Seth, the first person I thought of was Abby. She and Seth are close, have always been in my memory, though I'm not sure how close beyond the summer trips to Oregon when we were little and their reconnection since we moved. When we were little, Seth and Abby would play Spy Games with Nate - my twin - and me; we were always the bad guys. Nate and I rarely knew what was going on other than it was a version of hide and seek in the backyard behind Nana's house. They always found us and took us to jail where we had to stay until they told us to pretend to escape. When we moved to Oregon from Hawaii a few months ago, Abby and Seth reconnected and started hanging out once again like no time had passed. Maybe it was more than friends for a minute, but it always seemed like Abby was carrying a weight that kept her distant from everyone, including us.
Now, she has her arms wrapped around Gabe - and he around her - in the middle of a full waiting room where everyone can see. I slump a bit lower in my seat, glance away from their embrace and look at my teammates. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does especially when one of my soccer teammates, Williams whispers to Carter, "What the fuck is he doing here?"
Carter - team captain with Seth - is watching them. His green eyes are sharp like the peaks of the Koʻolaus and his jaw pulses, clearly upset by the display; but I don't understand the context. I'm not sure what Abby and Gabe have to do with him. What I do know is that Carter and Seth are best bros.
Was the fight about Abby?
My gaze slides back to her. They're stuck together like opihi on a rock.
"I don't like what I'm seeing," I hear Carter say. "Makes me sick." He stands up and leaves the area where we've been sitting. I watch him weave his way across the room to sit against a far wall. The rest of the team follows.
And I'm stuck. Team? Family? It feels like an impossible choice. But here's the truth of me: I always feel caught in the middle. If it isn't between Abby and Nate, or my mom and my dad, it's between choosing my family or the team - a different kind of family. It's about fitting in here in Oregon or remembering what I'm missing from my homeland of Hawaii. It's like a constant tug-o-war over who I am when I'm not even sure yet.
It makes me feel like I've got a bitter taste on my tongue.
Sometimes it feels like Abby doesn't think about anyone but herself, like she doesn't consider how I feel or how Nate feels about how her actions affect us. If the roles were reversed, however, she'd call me out. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but this is my team and she is my family. Anger surges inside me because I'm unsure what am I supposed to do about my sister dating the Freak everyone hates? But the thing is, I don't hate him. Gabe's actually pretty cool. He and Abby have become friends. He's nice, actually, and athletic as fuck, which for me is like the Bible of Existence.
I know my dad would say we always choose ohana - family over everything - but there's a lie in there. He hasn't always. He only just found his conscience to come back to us. So I'm calling bullshit on that, but I also know there's a vein of truth in it too. Abby would choose me and Nate even if she's made personal mistakes and even if she doesn't always think of us. I might give her a hard time, but I love her. I know she's got my back.
I'm a simple guy, unlike my twin, Nate, who feels way too much. Maybe we are the yin and yang of a whole being. I see the end, I walk there in a straight line; easy. Nate, though, sees all the possibilities and takes us around bends and over hills. He tires me out; but he's my other half. In all honesty, my short-sightedness usually makes me kind of a dick, but it works because Nate checks me. Like when that whole video came out and I unleashed on Abby, our older sister. Nate stood with me, but he was like, "Brah, she's our sister. We should figure out who that guy was and have his ass taken out. We can call our boys back home."
"Ask Abby," I'd snapped at him.
"She's not going to say. She's embarrassed."
"She should be."
"Why? For being drunk as fuck and then getting taken advantage of? You telling me if a girl was drunk like that you'd help her strip tease for an audience? That you'd film it?"
He was right. I might be a dick, but I wouldn't do something like that. Ever.
Nate and I chose to stand by our sister, but I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy at first. The girl I was checking out dropped me. Going to practice and hearing all the bullshit about my sister got me into it a few times with teammates, and Brock was the worst. I'd had to actually throw blows with him. Gave him a black eye and told him to shut the fuck up or it would be worse. Everyone took a step back after that and my life on the team got better. Maybe got some weird kind of cred from it? Seems stupid, but I'm a simple guy.
I pull out my phone to text Nate. He's already sent a message.
Nate: Any word? He okay?
Me: None yet. Sounds bad. I need help.
Nate: What with?
Me: My team is icing Abby and Gabe. I feel stuck.
Nate: Stuck? Why?
Me: Having to choose.
Nate: You already know the answer bruh.
He's right. I do. I glance over at the team clumped up in a corner now and slump lower into my chair, arms crossed over my chest to follow my mantra: What would Nathan Do?
When Abby leads Gabe and the woman I assume is his mom over, I take his extended hand and offer him a dude hug. "Hey," I tell him and move a few seats down into the space my team just vacated so Gabe can sit next to Abby. I glance at her. She smiles at me and mouths, Thank you. I've made my choice. Family over everything.
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Hawaiian words:
moʻolelo (moh -oh - leh - loe): a story
Koʻolaus (Koh - oh - la - ow): Mountain range on the North side of Oahu
opihi (oh - pee- hee): A small sea urchin that clings to the rocks. Hawaiians collect it to eat. It is a delicacy.
ohana (oh- haw- naw): Family